"So",
you probably wonder, "how did you make the transition? How did
you get saved"? Well, that story is indeed, one of a long and
winding road--which is why I’m writing it down here.
I
guess I'd have to say that even as a child I had a longing--a
spiritual void. As a kid, I went to Catholic church sometimes with my
father’s people. I never "got" all the empty rites and
rituals and "costumes". Plus, the mass being in Latin was
utterly useless and entirely impractical, to say the least. Not only
that, the Catholic kids were biased against me because I was only
half Italian and because I didn’t know about their rule of "not
eating meat on Fridays" (a rule which, of course, the Catholic
church changed when the pressure came, much like their birth control
pill rule, amongst others). But nope, "it" wasn’t there
for me. In later years, I discovered that people like me were known
as "seekers". And I sought--here, there and everywhere.
At
about fifteen, for a while I went to a Methodist church (with a
friend or neighbor, I guess--certainly not my mother). But selling
hard candy and hayrides didn’t do it for me, either. I did have a
few Sunday School classes there. That must be where I picked up the
psalms and verses that were still vaguely familiar to me. Or perhaps
I learned them in school; I think back then it was "acceptable"
for teachers to say things like "God", in the olden days.
Years
(and life) went by, with me struggling all the way--no God in my
life. I met David, we had the baby, we broke up. He and The
Temptations were hot and touring the country and overseas a lot. This
was when he was with first Tammi and then Tonya, but we still saw
each other too, off and on.
Then
when David Junior was a a little older, but still a baby, I finally
got "involved" with someone else, as I mentioned earlier.
An ex-friend of David's, he had so conveniently become my "shoulder
to cry on" over him. But he turned out to be yet another
misogynist and manipulator; of course he did. This man was scary. And
I was dangerously naive. He had a good one in me. He
intimidated me and controlled me both physically and emotionally. He
was into pills and would hold me down and literally shove them down
my throat when he wanted to. He didn’t have a key to my apartment,
but felt free to break out my window and unlock the door whenever the
mood hit him. I found it very difficult to extricate myself from that
situation.
And,
yes, he beat me too. I vaguely remember running down the street
(high) in my nightgown at dawn one morning in an attempt to escape.
Of course, he easily caught me. I had lost control of my life.
In
my desperate need for something spiritual, when he wanted to build an
"altar" in the room, I didn’t--or couldn’t--object. I
never really understood what exactly was going on with all that, but
I did ultimately begin to believe that he was actually into satanism
and the altar was there to worship satan.
I
believe he called satan in there at least three different times that
I can think of. Once, "something" touched my fingertips as
we both lay on our backs on the bed with arms stretched toward the
ceiling. True, it may have been intensified by the pill high, but
something did happen. And once I saw a black ball of energy dash
around the living room baseboard and disappear. That time, I wasn’t
high.
Also,
in the name of my quest, I used to read a lot of so-called self-help
books. I read some weird books too--I think today they'd be
classified as "New Age". One of them ("The
Supernatural", of all things) had a black dust cover with a
close-up of just a pair of piercing eyes staring out. This man tried
to burn it on my snow-covered porch in order to--he said--close the
door for satan to come through. The cover burned; all except for the
eyes. They didn’t burn. They just stared back at him from the snow.
As I watched from inside, I was dumbfounded. And frightened. So,
nope, the thing I sought wasn’t there at that altar either!
I
took David Junior and left with my agent for Los Angeles supposedly
for some dancing gig which never manifested. The agent left--and me
with no job and very little money. I had to find a cheap motel for my
son and I.
I
was basically walking around, not sure of where to go or what to do.
I’m sure I looked just like what I was--somebody in a daze who just
fell off the turnip truck from the Midwest. Someone on a street
somewhere in Hollywood came up and started talking to me and led me
by the hand into some nearby basement. I wasn’t high, but it was so
strange that it is all just a surrealistic blur. There was no
furniture, just a room full of what looked like hippies (well, a lot
of people looked like hippies--whatever that means--back then, even
"normal" people, so who knows), but they were packed in the
basement rooms shoulder-to-shoulder kneeling on the floor. With hands
raised, they were all talking loudly in what sounded like some
strange gobble-de-gook chant to me. I thought it was some kind
of druggie cult and hightailed it back out of there as fast as I
could. I didn't know what weirdness I had gotten into! As I scrambled
out, I squinted against the sun, but it was good to see it's bright
light again!
In
retrospect, lo these thirty-seven years later, I realize that they
were probably nothing scarier than a bunch of tongue-talking
Pentecostals. (I guessed that that was what was meant by the phrase
"holy rollers"). But "it" wasn’t there for me
either--at least not on Hollywood and Vine! (*Author's note: Recent
information would indicate that they were actually not Pentecostals,
but the now infamous "Children of God" cult).
Not
very long after after escaping him (by moving while he was out of
town. David helped me), I ran across something called Satmat
(aka Radha Soami aka The Science of the Soul aka The Path of
the Masters aka The Path of Light and Sound, ad infinitum).
"But why did Satmat have so many aliases?" you ask.
Why indeed. As I mentioned earlier, it was "not a religion",
per se; it was "a PATH--a lifestyle, an Eastern
philosophy." Some would say it is the largest "secret cult"
in the world. Well, actually, it's not secret; it's hidden in plain
sight. But it is most certainly and intentionally not publicized. It
was based on reincarnation and karma--that overused and
misunderstood woo-woo word. Back then, no one even used the word, not
to mention overused it! It was a strange and unfamiliar idea. And the
followers of the guru who was at the center of this path were
strange too. We were all lacto-vegetarians when it was hardly known,
let alone trendy. We ate dairy products but no animals, seafood,
poultry or even eggs, or anything containing "the essence
thereof". The idea with dairy was that you didn't have to kill
the cow to get the milk. We never ate anything that would one
day--upon having experienced the entire "eighty four hundred
thousand" species of life on the "wheel of
transmigration"--magically become human! (Of course, now I know
that there is no such thing as cross-specie migration. But back then
I believed it; I believed in everything--except Jesus! In fact, it
was a time when, unfortunately, a lot of people believed in
everything! Peace and love, man)!
Guru.
Yes--that’s another strange word. What does that really mean? I
think now that it is no more than another word for "false
prophet". But hey, I was lost and seeking some peace--or
something.
Anything
to fill the void I felt deep inside. Satmat taught us
(santsangis), that that lonesome feeling "all humans
have" was the "longing of the soul to merge with 'The
Source'." We were to accomplish this by two and a half hours of
chanting a mantra (the repetition of "the seven different
names of the rulers of the seven heavens)" in so-called
meditation per day--ideally at three in the morning! Yeouch! Not to
mention at all other possible times: between thoughts, simultaneous
with thoughts, while falling asleep. I became so inculcated with that
one, that until recently, I sometimes found myself attacked by that
when I'm falling asleep. I quickly start saying the "Lord's
Prayer" to replace it. It's a matter of essentially saying "Get
thee behind me, satan" and replacing satan's words with the
Father's words. And I never did like "meditation". At
first, I thought it was just because I was new and didn’t know how
to do it correctly. But after about thirty-four years of trying
unsuccessfully to do it, I had grown to detest, loathe and despise
it. It had become the biggest, hardest chore on my daily "to do"
list and I even resented it. It was nothing more than a major source
of the very stress I was trying to rise above! Ironically, it was
what was became my dread (God's built-in escape route) of the
meditation that started my gradual pulling away and, finally my
departure from Satmat. I began to skip the "satsangs"
(meetings where we gathered to read the teachings of the guru
to each other). I just wanted less and less to attend. The satsangis
began to get on my nerves. I couldn’t stand them! I started to
want to have some protein (besides beans and tofu) in my diet. (I had
developed bad knees and I decided to believe that my knees were
saying "Ok, time enough on the veggie thing; we’ve been
patient. Now we want some protein!" And I wanted to give it to
them. I felt poultry and fish would be fine. (I do eat them once in a
blue moon at this point, but I still don’t do quadrapeds!) Ha, ha,
ha.
I
hadn’t cooked meat in twenty years or so, and didn’t really know
how. A couple of my co-workers walked me through these first months
of my gradual return to carnivorism. At first, I couldn’t bear the
idea of seeing any bones or insides. So, one of the girls educated me
about ‘boneless, skinless chicken breasts"--a foreign concept
to me. Also, I had never heard of "Chicken Nuggets’! Oh my
stars!! I loved those!! I binged on them for a few weeks. And I still
have some now and then! Yum!
But
you know, eating all that soy for about thirty-years did do me some
good, I think. I sailed right through menopause without so much as a
flash--didn’t even know it had come and gone. I believe it was all
the soy--which is, after all, rich in isoflavones. That's a plant
hormone with an estrogen-like effect. So, I had done my own "hormone
replacement therapy"! Unknowingly, of course! So, all things do
work together for good!
In
the so-called meditation, the idea was that if you chanted long
enough, you would "see the light" that was the guru
inside the third eye and you would "hear the universe"--the
sound which pervades the entire creation (whatever that was)--and it
would lead you to The Source via the guru, of course.
Oh
no, you could not get to The Source (did they ever even use the word
"God"?) without the guru leading you there. After
all, he had made the trip daily and knew the way. They even taught us
that the ringing in the ears that one sometimes gets (tinnitus) was
actually a beginning stage of hearing this Sound! Yes, we believed
it.
Don’t
get me wrong though, I was no better than my mom OR my son's father
in that I was no saint either. As I say, all addictions and
experiments with addictions basically stem from a longing to fill
that God-shaped hole in your soul. Prior to my initiation into
Satmat, I was fully immersed in the world and many of its
temptations while I sought that Something.It was the sixties. Like
many, I looked for love in all the wrong places and chose some poor
ways to express it. True, I didn’t use cocaine or heroine or
hallucinogens (at least not intentionally, but you never knew what
would be in the weed you smoked in those days). And I did smoke
marijuana off and on for a few years after my son was born--after his
father abandoned us, that is. I was no kid the first time I smoked
it. I was twenty-three and I was finding it hard to cope. And I had
swallowed the sporadic upper and the occasional downer in recent
years, but I knew better. The angel on my right shoulder finally won
out over the devil on my left shoulder when the baby was about three.
I did not have my mother's propensity or capacity for alcohol. I
seldom drank--I was pathetic when I drank. I was never mean or cruel,
but I would get loud, cry, vomit and pass out--in that order. And
that would happen after only a couple drinks. Yuk! Thanks, but no
thanks! In fact, I had a very low tolerance for the "loco weed"
too--a few "hits" and I was trippin’; (and then I was
sleepin’!) I had the reputation of being someone you didn’t want
to waste your drugs on! And, let’s be honest, that’s why they
call it dope--because you act like a dope after you smoke it! (By the
way, didn’t you ever wonder why they call alcohol "spirits"?
Didn’t you ever hear someone say the day after doing something
stupid while drunk "That wasn’t me; I wasn’t myself."
Of course, that’s because disembodied evil spirits take advantage
of the weakened state of a drunk and quickly take that body in which
to reside--and do demonic things! Once the drunk comes "back to
himself", the demon has to move on in search of some other
vehicle to use! So, dope and spirits. Yeah. I got that. I don’t
think the fact that the baby was biracial added to my problems more
than simply being poor did. Being poor, without a college education,
essentially unskilled and blinded by "love" is what did me
in and sentenced me to the welfare system. In my pain and ignorance,
I was a messed-up mother, looking back. My son punished me for that
for decades. (Go ahead and judge me if you feel you must, but only if
you are sin-free yourself: "He who is without sin among you,
let him be the first to throw a stone at her. "Deuteronomy
17:7).
Anyway,
this was also the time I ran across the ‘guru’--the late
sixties. Part of being a ‘satsangi’ was that we didn’t
drink, do drugs, ingest animal products or have illicit sex. So in
that way, it was good. (It could even be seen by some as a stepping
stone to righteousness, as God does work all things together for the
good of the righteous, as I have since learned). My son’s father
and I were separated at the time I became a satsangi, so when
we went back together, it never occurred to me that I was living in
sin with him. The sex that we had was the same sex we had been
having, and it would never have crossed my mind to make a
distinction. I felt married to him--I had no reference point, so I
don't know what I based that on! But I know now that this was a wrong
doctrine. We had no God in our life, in our house or in our pretend
marriage. I didn’t know any better--I didn‘t know Jesus. He knew,
but chose not to share that with me. We never spoke of God or Jesus.
No wonder we were doomed.
Nine
years after we split for the last time, as I turned forty years old,
I bought my own house for my son and me. That was quite an
accomplishment, considering all the previous circumstances. I felt
that was a turning point for me. A few years later, once my son went
out on his own adventures, that's when I sold the house and moved to
Sedona, Arizona. It turned out that there were a lot of satsangis
there. We were taught, and also believed, that John the Baptist
was Jesus's master--not the one who heralded His coming, but His
master. (Throughout their teachings were ran the underlying concept
that there was "a perfect living master" at all times
["Buddah, Jesus, John the Baptist, Krishna, Moses, David, Mira
Bai, Mohammed, et al"]--from the "beginning of time"
through the present. In that scenario then, the guru equates
himself to both John the Baptist and Jesus). I'm sorry, but what a
crock! All I can do is pray for the four million plus santsangis
in the world and fall on my face in gratitude to God that I have been
plucked out from their multitudes and rescued! Not to mention praying
for the multitudes of others who are being deceived into following
other false prophets!
I
lived there in Northern Arizona in that RV off and on around six
years. It was so beautiful! This was a place that had once been the
bottom of an ocean thousands of years ago and the red rocks blazing
and glinting with rust jutted out at all kinds of angles no matter
which way you looked. You could walk up and touch them. You could
look at the petroglyphs--symbols carved there in the rocks by ancient
civilizations. The Native American culture was so thick you could
have cut it with a knife. And that was what appeared at first glance
to be a beautiful thing--something I was totally unfamiliar with. Of
course, God as Christians know Him is not--for the most part--the
center of their culture. Still, I loved the place and talked about it
so much that folks often told me that I should work at the Chamber of
Commerce.
Even
the weather there was awesome--snow thunderstorms, rainbow balls,
torrential flooding rains, billows of fog hanging around tops of the
low mountains and rock formations,you name it. When the fog rolled
in, as it often did, you halfway expected to see a dinosaur appear on
the horizon. Sedona has all four seasons, and flora and fauna of both
the desert and mountains, as it is about three-quarters of the way up
a mountain between Phoenix and Flagstaff. So you had oak trees and
Saguaro cacti all in the same yard. Fruit orchards co-existed with
coyotes and rattlesnakes. Yes, it was and is magical. But all magic
ain’t good magic!
Once
I left the Sedona area for good and got some distance and
perspective, I saw that it was, in fact, THE center for "New
Age", i.e. a hotbed of occultism. I went there a
hard-core skeptic (in spite of the fact that I had had my times of
playing with a Oiuja board even some fifteen years
earlier--and as I found out many years later, that was nothing but a
venue for the evil ‘familiar spirits‘. And it did lie to my
friends and me, even back then). But I quickly became a believer and
was sucked into the occult lifestyle myself. One after the other, my
first seven crystals found their way into my hands in a hurry. In
fact, I collected a large bag of all kinds of gems--for their
"healing properties". I was into "pyramid power",
I was using a pendulum to get what I believed to be information from
my "spirit guides", and I became a practicing numerologist
into which I incorporated my gemology. So, not only could I find the
"holes in your aura" for you, I could prescribe which
gemstones you should wear, carry or keep by your bed to "fix"
you or improve your meditation, love life, business, health or
whatever. I went to "drum circles" and "medicine
wheels", I was regressed into previous incarnations even to
Egypt, I got readings from channelers, psychics, astrologers, learned
of "soul-mates"--you name it. Everyone there was a reader
and/or a healer of some kind or another. There are "vortexes"
all over the area with six "primary vortexes". It’s said
that there are more there than anywhere else on earth. One of the
theories is that these are flows of energy on which beings from other
planets could travel both up and down.
And
indeed, at night in the pitch-black sky with no light pollution for
two hundred miles, you could often see various lights moving
around--it was fascinating. I myself had seen what I believed to be
four spaceships almost two decades before in 1968 about forty miles
West of Phoenix. I find now that according to some, these vortexes
(although the plural form of vortex" is generally "vortices,"
in Sedona, "vortexes" is used) actually are gateways to
hell. Sedona absolutely attracted weirdos of every age and ilk--of
which I was one.
A
couple decades went by and the interesting thing is that the closer I
got to the time of my upcoming salvation, the more nervous satan got
about losing me and the more clever about trapping me. He was hanging
onto my leg for dear life! I had been one of his best disciples and
he didn’t want to be deprived of that. As recently as about two
years before I was born again, I was going fairly regularly to group
sessions of a channeler. Along with others, I communicated with my
late loved ones there. At least, that’s what I believed at the
time. I was told that many on the "Otherside" knew of me, I
was given the names of my spirit guides, and many similar things. I
was reading a lot of the books written by psychics, even "famous"
ones who you still see on TV talk shows. The lies and misinformation
from these people almost did me in. I see now how satan uses them to
trick people to be sucked deeper and deeper into the occult.
During
that same time, I was on the computer a lot, and that being the place
where I spent most of my time and where I was most comfortable, it
was the field on which satan chose to attack me. He started in my
comfort zone: Instant Messaging. I was never interested in "chat
rooms"; I chatted with my two good friends only. Satan (or his
demons) started talking to me right there through the Instant
Messaging! He would disguise himself first as one of my friends and
then, later, the other one. He was there once through the first
friend and several times through the second friend. In neither case
did the friend know or remember what had happened. It was just as if
I were having conversations with my late "husband". It was
very nice to visit with him--very tempting, very alluring, and very
seductive! He answered some questions I had and we talked about the
old days. He gave me some instructions of things he wanted done, we
talked about our son and grandkids on which he gave me advice, he
told me that our daughter and both our moms were with him--so many,
many things. And, he asked my forgiveness. The talks were a definite
comfort, and I waited for those sessions. I saved all that on disk; I
printed it all out. So then, I ,myself was channeling--fluently and
in great detail. I thought I was channeling my late "husband",
but I was channeling demons. It was the best trap satan could have
set for me, with the best possible baits. But, praise God, Jesus
caught my attention in the nick of time! Greater is He that is in
me than he who is in the world! 1 John 4:4.
In
my ignorance, what I thought was so beautiful about "New Age"
was that there were no boundaries, no judgments on what one believed.
And that is exactly the trap. All beliefs were accepted and embraced.
At the end of my studies of and participation in the occult, I
realized that that was, in fact, the precise problem! Jesus had no
place in all of this! To the very large concentration of satsangis
who had been drawn to live there, as well as all the other
bleeding heart liberals, Jesus was just a nice man and a great
teacher of his day (and only of his day); one in that on-going,
never-ending series of "masters". Yeouch! (Forgive us,
Lord, we know not what we do).
There
were also some Christian churches, but not having been saved at the
time, I never visited one. I wonder if the Christians there are like
Christians elsewhere. Or if they, too, have become steeped in the
local New Age culture in some ways. I pray not!
In
the beginning so long ago, I thought of calling this book "From
Victim to Victorious". Someone has beaten me to that title, I've
since discovered, but the gist is the same: I was lost, but now I'm
found. I was a prisoner of my own ignorance and now I'm free. Jesus
is The Truth and He has set me free with a river of His blood flowing
through the streets so long ago. That blood is as fresh now as it was
then. I was a victim (or was I a volunteer?), then with His grace and
mercy, I became a survivor. In fact, I’m more than a survivor and
I’m more than a conqueror. I am a believer. I am an overcomer. And
this thing called my life is the very special coat that My Father has
tailor made and given me to wear! It’s very colorful and different.
And it fits only me! (As yours fits only you). It may seem like I'm
overstating the case here, but I want to emphasize the difference
between before and
after Jesus came into my heart.
I
guess one of the first and most interesting things that happened was
at the beginning of December 2003. I was still a "satsangi",
but barely. I was working at my computer with the television turned
on across the room. From the corner of my eye, I could see that a
show came on featuring singing groups from the "doo-wop"
generation. Like many of that genre`, The Flamingoes had split up and
one of the more prominent lead singers started his own group. Terry
Johnson and The Flamingoes were performing.
I
had known Terry back in the seventies in Detroit where we all lived,
but hadn't seen him in years. Naturally I was tickled to see him on
television in 2003. I had come to know him for two reasons. Come to
find out, he was writing music for the record label that my son's
father recorded for and secondly, I discovered that he was a
"satsangi" too!! I was at a recording session with
my son's father watching him record when Terry walked up behind me,
bent down and whispered "Do you know what the phrase "Radha
Soami" means"? That was the "satsangi"
greeting--supposedly meaning "I salute the Lord in you".
When I turned with a start to see who was speaking, I was so shocked
that I almost fell out of that chair. I guess he had seen me at
"satsang", but I didn't remember him. That was how
we met. From then on, I often saw him at "satsangs",
and the group of us frequently had lunch afterward. So we were pretty
close. When he later became engaged, I met his (non-satsangi)
fiancee, who also sang in the group he had at the time. And I then
introduced them to my son's father one night at one of their shows,
as a few of his most popular songs were part of their repertoire.
After that Terry season, I didn't see or hear from him any more, as
we went our separate ways. I guess you could say (and I might agree,
in retrospect) that I was quickly led by the Holy Spirit at the time
I saw him on television to do an internet search of his name
immediately. I found him fast and I found him close. He was living
just a few miles from my apartment in Florida. I called the number
listed and he answered the phone! That in itself was a miracle,
looking back. Shortly into the conversation, I asked him if he still
went to "satsang". He replied that no, he had found Jesus!
I might think that that would have taken some nerve to say to a
"satsangi", considering the polar differences in the
teachings and what I might think, but he said it right out. And
although his next words are a blur at this time, it was along the
lines that I should check out Jesus myself! To make a long story
short, we talked for hours. We shared many things, including my
experiences of Instant Messaging with the "familiar spirits".
Within the next few days, I bought my very first Bible—the WWJD
version. That was pivotal and that was because God put Terry in my
way. As my walk with Jesus has progressed and I have gained
perspective as I get further from those early days, I can see the
amazing absolutely supernatural way in which God planned and
facilitated the bringing together of Terry and I. Who else on the
face of the planet could have served that purpose and filled that
description? He sang in a group, so he knew that life, he was from
Detroit--or at least living there—so he knew that life too. He was
with the same record label and recorded at the same studio as my
son's father did. He knew David--or at least his reputation, so he
knew what I was going through, he was in the same age group as we
were, and for the absolute piece de resistance, he was a
"satsangi"! How likely is that!? And the best part?
He was a "satsangi" who had given his life to Jesus
Christ! I am in awe of God!
Every
so often throughout the years, I would attend the occasional church
service, at the end of which I'd almost always go to the altar for
the "altar call"--once I knew what that was, that is! This
was the time at the end of a service when one could ask Jesus into
their hearts and to be the Lord of their lives. I'd do this in
desperation, even though I never believed that it really worked. I'd
tried it a half-dozen times or so, and after all, it had never worked
for me before. Every time, I'd walk away shaking my head and
muttering under my breath, because I never felt any different.
Nothing ever changed in my heart. I have always been more or less a
"channel hopper" when it comes to television--unless I run
across something interesting--and in my hopping, I would often come
across "religious programs". It was unavoidable, in fact!
And I couldn’t change the channel fast enough. I hated "those
preachers". Bunch of thieves and liars and phonies. Garbage. No
more "real" than wrestling!
Yet,
somehow here a few months later--and also during the two or so years
prior to me being saved-- this repulsion toward "religious
programs" began to somehow shift. I found myself watching
something here and there for a little longer than the usual few
fleeting seconds it usually took to change a channel. This was
happening at the same time that my impatience with the satsangis
was accelerating and my attraction to eating seafood and poultry
was increasing. Also during that same period of time that I used to
spend hours on the phone with an old friend of mine--someone I had a
hot and heavy affair with in the eighties and hadn't talked to in two
decades. We had reconnected through a mutual friend via the internet
and he had long since become a preacher. Go figure! He and I spent
many hours on the phone talking spirituality during this same two
years, give or take. Very interesting in retrospect how this time
period was so obviously being choreographed in the finest detail by
the Lord! I'd say that man of God was pivotal in my salvation. And I
still thank and bless him for that, wherever he has disappeared to
now! Yes, he came back into my life for a season. He taught me so
much and shared so much and was then gone again. God, in His infinite
wisdom, matched me up with exactly the one person on the planet to
whom I could relate both in a worldly way because of our past, but
then in a Godly way as well. Awesome!
In
March of 2004, I was doing laundry at the communal laundromat in my
apartment complex and of course, was running in and out of the
apartment. Back and forth, back and forth. I had left the television
on for some reason, and on TBN at that! And on one of my trips back
through, a familiar voice caught my ear as I passed the television. I
looked back over my shoulder and there was Tiny Lister testifying. I
was like "Hey! I know him". He is, of course, an actor. As
a makeup artist, I had worked on a movie set he was in. I found out
later (not being that wrestling fan) that he was also known as Zeus
in the World Wrestling Federation. A giant of a man with eyes of two
different colors and directions, he most often played a bully,
criminal or worse in these many movies. Although now I know that he
often testifies on TBN, and also just played a major role in the
movie "One Night With The King" (the bible story of
Esther), I had never seen him on TV before. It was first his familiar
voice, then his familiar face, which caught my attention that day,
but it was his inimitable style which captured me and caused me to
sit down on the sofa and listen to him. I was fascinated!
Unbeknownst
to me, God was doing His thing in my heart! I can't really tell you
what Tiny said that day, I know it was him and his style which was
meant to catch me.
The
second step in the plan that day materialized on my next trip back
from the laundromat: Dion Sanders (again, not into sports, but
vaguely knew the name and the face), was now testifying.
Actually,
there were three men sitting side by side, I found out as the camera
panned left. Dion was on my right. I didn't recognize the other two
men, who were apparently pastors. One of them asked Dion about his
spiritual father, and he spoke about Bishop T. D. Jakes--a name
unfamiliar to me at the time. He mentioned Bishop Jakes' church, The
Potter's House in Dallas, Texas. My first thought was "Hey,
there's a Potter's House up there on the main drag; I pass it almost
everyday." (God was doing His thing)! Then the pastor on the far
left got his face right up in the camera and (among other things
which I didn't remember) he emphatically told me to find a good home
church! Again, I was like: "Hey! Lemme get the phone number of
that Potter's House up the road there"!) The computer was on
across the room, as usual, and before that pastor had finished, I was
looking up the phone number! I called the first number listed and it
was disconnected. I called the second number listed and couldn't get
through there either. I knew I was going past it the next day, so
planned on just going there then to ask when the services were.
Oh,
by the way, having so many and very deep talks with my old (now
pastor) friend had inspired and slowly driven me to want to finally
know Jesus. I had mistakenly assumed that I was a child of God--that
we all were--not knowing that until you are born again, you are NOT!
You are a creation of God, but not a child of God! What a shocker!
Satan had lulled me with that false sense of security.
I
had always believed in God (and found no contradiction in the New Age
lifestyle, duh)! But for some reason (satan!), whenever people talked
about Jesus, I just never felt that Jesus applied to me. I never
believed in the Bible and had nothing but negative to say about it.
But what was I quoting? I had never even read the Bible! I never
owned one; I'd tried to crack one a few times over the years, but
something was between It and me! I just couldn't stand it! Hard to
read--like it was in another language! Plus, it was only written by
men anyway. I was sure they had translated it to fit their own
agendas, or even just accidentally translated it incorrectly. King
James just used it to control his subjects! (Huh?) See, I had no idea
what I was saying. That was purely satan--knowing he surely didn't
want to lose me, one of his most staunch supporters!! Anyway, in one
of the last conversations we had before my salvation, I remember
yelling to my friend: "What is wrong with me? Why don't I
believe the Bible?" It was at that moment that I knew I could
believe the Bible if I wanted to. I gave in then and let him teach
me. I mean, he was already--to the degree that I would allow--but
then I just wanted to know. I wanted to learn. I wanted to be
included. I wanted to follow Jesus.
"But",
I thought, "I asked Jesus into my heart before and nothing
happened. How can this time be different"? Something in
me--knowing that the overly analytical type of mind I'd had was the
roadblock--spoke out and this time said "Jesus, please BYPASS MY
MIND and come into my heart! Be the Lord of my life. I've been Lord
of my own life for sixty years, Jesus, and trying to choreograph all
this stuff myself. And not doing a very good job of it, I might add"!
The
next day, I drove up to the Potter's House. It was locked up tight as
a drum; not even a vehicle in the lot. Confident that I was supposed
to go to service at the Potter's House (and that Jesus was going to
meet me there and that I would truly be saved), I just sat there and
waited. In a few minutes, a white pickup truck drove up and parked.
Inside it were a white man and what looked to be his small son. They
got out of the vehicle and I asked him when the services were. He
told me about how this temporary building (it looked like a huge,
gray igloo to me), was no longer being used for services and that
they were being held at 10:00 A.M. the next day at another recently
acquired building at an intersection somewhere nearby. I thanked them
and went home.
My
car found the way that next morning to the Potter's House
straightaway. I knew Jesus was sitting on my hood, making the way
clear. I went in and, as expected, Jesus met me there as I knew He
would and I gave my life to Him! It was as if we both understood that
I'd had this appointment on this certain day and at this certain time
my whole life. This was both the end and the beginning!
Since
then, God has done so many wonderful things in my life, that they
can't all be told. I'm not as good as I want to be, that's for sure,
but I'm better than I was! That's for sure too! And the glory of it
all is that all that Jesus has miraculously done in my life, He can
do and wants to do in yours! And more! And why would you want to give
your life to Jesus? Because--to put it simply--everything of self
(self-rule) is death. Death is emptiness, misery and pain. To live a
victorious life, we must die to the lie that sin satisfies. And all
sin falls under the umbrella of self-rule.
How
would you go about giving your life to Jesus? Here's an answer from
allaboutgod.com:
Salvation
Prayer - The Cornerstone is Christ?
What
is the so-called Salvation Prayer? What do I do to get "saved?"
At one point or another we all ask ourselves this question.
"That
if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your
heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."
(Romans 10:9)
"Jesus
answered and said to him, 'Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one
is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.'" (John
3:3)
Salvation
Prayer - Back to Basics
The
Salvation Prayer is merely a road to rebirth in Jesus Christ. To be
born again you must confess Jesus as Lord and believe that He is.
When you ask Him into your heart, you are allowing Him to be the Lord
of your life.
A.
Salvation is the "permission slip" to enter heaven when you
leave this world.
B.
Salvation takes place when a person listens to the salvation message,
believes it, and makes a decision to receive Jesus into his or her
heart.
Salvation
Prayer - The Simple Steps:
1.
Acknowledge in your heart that Jesus is Lord.
2.
Confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord.
3.
Believe that Jesus died for your sins and was raised three days
later.
4.
Repent of your sins and get baptized in the name of Jesus.
Salvation
Prayer - Merely a Tool to Communicate Our Faith
The
Salvation Prayer is not a ritual based on specific words. This is not
the power of a prayer, but the power of truly committing our lives to
Christ as Savior and Lord. The following is merely a guideline for
our sincere step of faith: "God, I recognize that I have not
lived my life for You up until now. I have been living for myself and
that is wrong. I need You in my life; I want You in my life. I
acknowledge the completed work of Your Son Jesus Christ in giving His
life for me on the cross at Calvary, and I long to receive the
forgiveness you have made freely available to me through this
sacrifice. Come into my life now, Lord. Take up residence in my heart
and be my king, my Lord, and my Savior. From this day forward, I will
no longer be controlled by sin, or the desire to please myself, but I
will follow You all the days of my life. Those days are in Your
hands. I ask this in Jesus' precious and holy name. Amen."
If
you decided to repent of your sins and receive Christ today, welcome
to God's family. Now, as a way to grow closer to Him, the Bible tells
us to follow up on our commitment.
1.
Get baptized as commanded by Christ.
2.
Tell someone else about your new faith in Christ.
3.
Spend time with God each day. It does not have to be a long period of
time. Just develop the daily habit of praying to Him and reading His
Word. Ask God to increase your faith and your understanding of the
Bible.
4.
Seek fellowship with other followers of Jesus. Develop a group of
believing friends to answer your questions and support you.
5.
Find a local Bible-based church where you can sense the Presence of
and where you can worship God.
Again,
welcome! Your life will never be the same!
(Only
with this printing is my story finally told and the book complete.
But the work has just begun. Here I am, Lord. Choose me)...
